More Parenting ‘Quackery’

Parents Urged To Ditch Time Out Techniques
InfoNews.co.nz 10 Nov 2010

A punishment-free approach to parenting advocated by a New Zealand couple who discourage the use of time out, yelling, threats and bribery is about to be held up as an international example for others to follow. Genevieve and Dan Simperingham founded The Peaceful Parent Institute four years ago and run nationwide seminars on how to parent in a kind, calm and peaceful manner while maintaining strong, clear and fair boundaries for children. ..Genevieve says The Peaceful Parent Institute offers a holistic approach to help foster a child’s emotional wellbeing and emotional intelligence. “Although using rewards or threats may work in the short term, adopting a punishment-free approach is a key factor in establishing relationships that are based on trust, mutual respect and for creating a good team spirit in the family,” she says.

This is more parenting ‘quackery’ from the anti-correction and anti-smacking lobby. And not the first time. At a recent Early Intervention Association conference, they were told that behaviour-control techniques such as ‘time out’ and the ‘naughty chair’ are unprofessional and in breach of the United Nations (UN) Declaration of the Rights of the Child and the national curriculum Te Whariki. The UNITEC lecturer said “What you’re really doing is you’re punishing the child for doing something that is not appropriate, instead of teaching them, which is our mandate.”

Psychologist Nigel Latta was lambasted by supporters of the anti-smacking law when he suggested that parents may need to lock the room to prevent a child coming out of ‘time out’ in their bedroom. Sue Bradford suggested it could damage the children psychologically and Barnardos said parents should call a help-line instead! Other so-called parenting experts have previously claimed that time out is shameful and humiliating and creates hurt, anger and defiance in a child. They also claim that nervous habits can result, and that children should not be told they are naughty.

Once again, these ‘perfect parenting’ demands and latest fads in parenting by so-called experts simply undermine the confidence of parents to raise their children in a positive and common sense way. Will it soon be unacceptable to withdraw privileges or ‘ground’ a child – perhaps even unacceptable to frown at a child who is misbehaving!” Research is quite clear that firm clear discipline with consequences (that are not just empty threats) saturated with love and involvement produces great kids. We all know examples of parents who have adopted the ‘laissez faire’ attitude – and the negative outcomes!

Great and law-abiding kiwi parents are being forced to change their parenting techniques based on flawed and unproven ideology and scaremongering of academics, politicians and state agencies who have misdefined positive parenting and child abuse.

I just hope that the policeman who pulls me over for speeding or dangerous driving next time has done the ‘peaceful parenting’ course. He’ll give me a pat on the back and wish me a good day rather than give me a ticket 🙂

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7 comments for “More Parenting ‘Quackery’

  1. Helen Johnstone
    16 November 2010 at 9:06 pm

    How is it possible to teach children that there are no consequences when they misbehave, when as adults they will be expected to conform to the laws of the land, which do have consequences if we don’t adhere to them? This is ridiculous. At what age would they be expected to suddenly adhere to rules and social norms?

  2. Lisa
    17 November 2010 at 1:57 pm

    I totally agree with this. Consequences are part of our everyday lives. We need to teach consequences to our children so that they can grow up to be productive members of our society. Everything we do has a consequence, whether it is a negative one or a positive one. When they state, “What you’re really doing is you’re punishing the child for doing something that is not appropriate, instead of teaching them, which is our mandate” does that mean that when we as adults break the law or fail to pay our bills etc that instead of being punished we need to be taught!!

  3. Yvonne
    17 November 2010 at 10:06 pm

    This type of thinking, (that children should be shielded from experiencing any negative emotions – especially those that are consequences to their own actions) will only create a generation of children who also do not learn how to overcome the negative things that happen in life, gain self control, cannot take responsibility for their behaviour and choices, and learn to always deflect blame away from themselves onto others. I can only see this nonsense resulting in confused adults who do not understand the relationship between rights and responsibilities, with an excessive sense of being victimised when things go wrong. In our home we try to mimic social reality when poor choices have been made (ie confession, time out, recompense,loss of ‘rights’ and forgiveness). How else can parents train their children for citizenship.

  4. scott
    19 November 2010 at 7:06 pm

    Wow how is it possible that raising children can go from an enjoyable experence where you learn from your mistakes as a parent to this nonsince. It bewilders me how all this happened in one generation. People need to stop look around kids running riot at home schools every where. I listened to a parent that has similar beliefs as the article ask this parent what school the child goes to NONE the child was supeneded. We as a contry need to go back to the good years where parents and teachers made and enforced the rules.

  5. 21 November 2010 at 7:37 pm

    It bewilders me how all this happened in one generation.

    It didn’t. It’s a trend that’s happened since WWII, starting with the Baby Boomers who were raised in an era of prosperity. They then rejected their parents ideas, and turned to “experts”. That generation then grew up and is now raising kids without any idea how to do it, while the “experts” are getting weirder and weirder ideas – mainly because they never actually raise children themselves.

    One of Nigel Latta’s strengths is that he himself actually *has* raised children and realised that many of his ideas were completely wrong.

  6. Kirsty
    27 November 2010 at 12:40 pm

    I totally agree with everything you’ve said. Mimicing social reality is the absolute key…In our family we do the same. Children need to learn that certain behaviour is unacceptable in a social setting so they are put in “sit and think” for minor offences, such as taking someone elses toys or yelling at each other, or “time out” for major offences, such as hitting or lying. If they DELIBERATELY do something really serious that could be potentially life threatening, either to themselves or others, like running across a road, they may get a smack, but we try to avoid that…
    Young children have an inability to reason effectively and control their behaviour so they need to be disciplined to get the message through until they have the ability to reason and control their own behaviour…In our experience these measures start to become inappropriate by about the age of 12 and other measures get put in place i.e writing lines, confiscation of rights, or grounding. I now have a 17 year old who is well rounded in every way, and rarely needs any sort of discipline. She has shown herself to be trustworthy and communicative and as a consequence is given a lot of freedom. My intention is that by the age of 18 she will be able to act like an adult and have the ability to look after herself, both physically and emotionally… so that if she needs to leave home she can do so safely.

  7. 4 April 2011 at 5:17 am

    When these children stand before God long after they have grown up and died, there will be no naughty seat or temporary time out… and if the have never responded to the gracious gift of love offered through Jesus Christ and his death for sinners, or, if they have never heard of Jesus, responded to what God has revealed of himself through creation and their conscience, then… they will suffer eternal punishment as wicked (naughty) sinners who did evil in the eyes of a holy God. This new approach to dealing with naughty, oh we can’t use that word, children who act inappropriately, is removing them further and further from a world where Good and Evil exist. So what do we say to the criminal who killed someone. “Well Mr. Bloggs, that was very inappropriate. As we don’t believe in punishment or the existence of evil, we are now going to send you on a course that will teach you about what is appropriate in the circumstances you faced which lead to you taking another person’s life. I can see this will go down well with society and the justice system!

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