At The Marriage Registry….


“Good morning. We want to apply for a marriage licence.” 


“Tim and Jim Jones.” 

“Jones?  Are you related?  I see a resemblance.” 

“Yes, we’re brothers.” 

“Brothers? You can’t get married.” 

“Why not? Aren’t you giving marriage licences to same gender couples?” 

“Yes, thousands. But we haven’t had any siblings. That’s incest!” 

“Incest? No, we are not gay.” 

“Not gay? Then why do you want to get married?” 

“For the financial benefits, of course. And we do love each other. Besides, we don’t have any other prospects.” 

“But we’re issuing marriage licences to gay and lesbian couples who’ve been denied equal protection under the law. If you are not gay, you can get married to a woman.” 

“Wait a minute. A gay man has the same right to marry a woman as I have.  But just because I’m straight doesn’t mean I want to marry a woman. I want to marry Jim.” 

“And I want to marry Tim, Are you going to discriminate against us just because we are not gay?” 

“All right, all right. I’ll give you your licence. Next.” 

“Hi. We are here to get married.” 


“John Smith, Jane James, Robert Green, and June Johnson.” 

“Who wants to marry whom?” 

“We all want to marry each other.” 

“But there are four of you!” 

“That’s right. You see, we’re all bisexual. I love Jane and Robert, Jane loves me and June, June loves Robert and Jane, and Robert loves June and me. All of us getting married together is the only way that we can express our sexual preferences in a marital relationship.” 

“But we’ve only been granting licences to gay and lesbian couples.” 

“So you’re discriminating against bisexuals!” 

“No, it’s just that, well, the traditional idea of marriage is that it’s just for couples.” 

“Since when are you standing on tradition?” 

“Well, I mean, you have to draw the line somewhere.” 

“Who says? There’s no logical reason to limit marriage to couples.  The more the better.  Besides, we demand our rights! The mayor says the constitution guarantees equal protection under the law.  Give us a marriage licence!” 

“All right, all right. Next.” 

“Hello, I’d like a marriage licence.” 

“In what names?” 

“David Deets.” 

“And the other man?” 

“That’s all. I want to marry myself.” 

“Marry yourself? What do you mean?” 

“Well, my psychiatrist says I have a dual personality, so I want to marry the two together.  Maybe I can file a joint income-tax return……..”


7 comments for “At The Marriage Registry….

  1. Rhona
    3 July 2012 at 10:53 pm

    This is rather farfetched, Bob. Do you honestly think New Zealand’s feminist contingent would let ‘consensual adult’ incest be decriminalised? And as I’ve said before, many of the homosexual and lesbian lobby seem to view that prospect with repugnance and would probably oppose it, as they would polygamy, and for much the same reason.

  2. Shane Ponting
    4 July 2012 at 1:52 am

    Moral relativism is a slippery slope that will lead to ALL of the above and more (the mind does not even dare boggle).

  3. Bob
    4 July 2012 at 3:25 pm

    Did they oppose decriminalisation of prostitution?unfortunately not

  4. Rhona
    5 July 2012 at 2:02 pm

    They didn’t oppose prostitution because to do so would have adversely affected the transsexuals, who are employed in street prostitution. It has been pointed out to me that if conservatives oppose prostitution, then we should support adding transsexuals to the Human Rights Act, because it means fewer would need to resort to prostitution, which we view as a greater evil.

  5. Rhona
    5 July 2012 at 5:18 pm

    From what Wikipedia says, ‘consensual adult’ incest is legal in a tiny handful of countries- France, Portugal, Brazil, Japan, Turkey, Israel and Argentina. None of them are in the British Commonwealth, which is New Zealand’s chief source for legislative reform. I don’t think that one will work, Bob. Sorry. I think you’re probably on safer ground with the risk of approving polygamous relationships in this context, given they’re far more prevalent.

  6. Rhona
    5 July 2012 at 5:20 pm

    Of all those societies, too, Argentina is the only one that also recognises homosexual and lesbian marriage, although France will apparently soon join it.

  7. Rhona
    5 July 2012 at 5:25 pm

    …although there, I suppose homosexual marriage supporters would probably point out that most societies that allow polygamy are Muslim majority societies, and in Saudi Arabia, Sudan, Somalia and Iran, homosexuality is a capital offence. Of all the societies that allow polygamy, only South Africa allows both homosexual and polygamous heterosexual marriage.

    While I was looking at this whole question, I also found that one of the societies that permits polygamy but is strident in attacking homosexuals is Uganda. Added to that, some African Protestant churches also permit polygamy. And there’s the unfortunate prior example of Martin Luther and some of his confessional line in Reformation Germany. I just hope no-one digs that up…

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