Time For Some Real Marriage Equality

This is a superb tongue-in-cheek essay!

CultureWatch Nov 2010
There are countless people around the world who would love to marry, but cannot, due to archaic and oppressive marriage laws which prevent them from publicly celebrating and highlighting their relationship. Why are all these people being so cruelly discriminated against?

Consider just one obvious example: Sam. He is an adult, he is in love, and is entitled to his rights, yet every day he sees that he is being discriminated against. He sees that his love is not being recognised. He is not allowed to marry, and he is therefore being treated as a second class citizen.

Sam so very much loves his Sarah – and his Steve. But bisexual Sam is being cruelly discriminated against and cannot express his deep love for his beloved Sarah and Steve. Why is there no marriage equality for poor Sam? Why must he be so blatantly discriminated against?

Surely it is nothing more than prejudice, ignorance, and narrow-mindedness that is keeping love-sick Sam from being allowed to marry. Why cannot we have genuine marriage equality here? Why is society so unjust to deny Sam his fundamental human rights?

After all, Sam is an adult, as are Sarah and Steve. Their love is fully consensual, and just as real as that of any heterosexual couple. And surely what they do in the privacy of their own bedroom should bother no one else. Governments really should butt out of such arrangements. All societies should obviously be less discriminatory here.

And surely Sam’s marriage to Sarah and Steve would hurt no one else. How would his deeply committed love relationship in any way harm marriage if this lovely threesome were allowed to wed? How can this love be denied and be rendered invisible by such heartless governments?

If straights can marry, and if the same-sex marriage proponents are right to make their case, then surely bisexuals can also argue for their basic human right to marriage. Indeed, any and all claims to adult love should also be fully recognised.

All group marriages should also be instantly recognised by law. After all, it is voluntary, consensual love by adults. How in the world can governments object to that? How can they interfere with such deep love relationships? Why the terrible discrimination?

Fortunately there are plenty of marriage equality lobby groups out there working tirelessly for the right of polyamory and all sorts of other love combinations. It is the height of bigotry and intolerance to not allow five deeply committed and fully in love people the right to marry. We must end all this unjust discrimination now. Full marriage equality must be immediately enacted. Governments must not deny people their fundamental right to marry.

Indeed, we must smash all outdated and oppressive laws which hinder genuine equality. Thus if a father deeply loves his daughter, and the feelings are mutual, how in the world can any bigoted government stand in the way of such real love?

If a woman is deeply in love with her cocker spaniel, and the dog is obviously deeply committed to his owner, then how can governments stand in the way and deny this loving couple their right to express their affections publicly? Why should they be discriminated against from showing their love in marriage?

Indeed, we all know it is only a handful of religious bigots who are keeping society from ushering in a new era of complete marriage equality. It is unconscionable that those conservatives and religious folk should keep all these wonderful loving combinations and permutations from full fruition.

Come on folks, this is the 21st century after all. We have all moved on from those dark old days of religious bigotry and intolerance. We are no longer in the Stone Age. We now know that love is all that matters. And as long as two or more people love each other, and it is consensual, then surely they have every right to marry.

Indeed, why even discriminate in terms of numbers? Why cannot a person fully in love with himself be allowed to marry? Why this clear prejudice against singles? Who in the world decides what number constitutes marriage? After all, we all know that marriage has nothing to do with one man and one woman and any offspring they may produce.

So we must end this blatant and unjust discrimination against autoeroticism. Those people who are deeply in love with themselves should have the same rights as anyone else. It is only intolerant and outdated prudes who would deny such a person his or her full human rights.

Love is the only consideration here. Numbers, gender and other artificial considerations are totally arbitrary and unjust. We should forever rid ourselves of these archaic notions that marriage must somehow be reserved for just two people, and those of the opposite sex. How bigoted and biased is that?

We all know that marriage is a social construct. It has no inherent meaning or boundaries. Any idiot knows that marriage is always evolving and changing over time. There is no fixed nature to marriage. Marriage is whatever we decide it should be.

Lovers of the world unite! Now is the time to end all unjust sexism, genderism, ageism and numberism. Those restrictive and oppressive concepts have no place whatsoever in a modern, enlightened and progressive society. The sooner they are stamped out altogether, the better.

And the sooner Sam and Sarah and Steve can live in happy matrimony, the better. If anyone dares to deny them their rights, they should be locked up as enemies of progress, freedom, equality and justice. Indeed, all those opposing Sam’s right to marry are surely public enemies who should not be allowed to voice their bigotry in public.

Why do we allow these intolerant fools the right to commit these hate crimes? The sooner they are locked up the sooner true equality and justice will be allowed free reign. Then real marriage equality can flourish, and true love will bloom everywhere. Utopia here we come. Death to all the heterosexual marriage bigots so that real love and tolerance can flourish.
http://www.billmuehlenberg.com/2010/11/29/time-for-some-real-marriage-equality/

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