Sperm Donor Kids Speak Out: Biological Dads Matter

Huffington Post 19 Jan 2011

” … I don’t want to be on his family’s Christmas cards or to take up an inordinate amount of his time. I just want to know who he is.”
“I feel like half a person.”
“I wish he simply knew I exist.”
No one knows how many persons are conceived each year in the U.S. through anonymous sperm donation. Experts estimate it could be somewhere between 30,000 and 60,000 annually, but the numbers are only a guess because the U.S. government does not require reporting or tracking of such pregnancies. For the fertility industry, anonymity is the grease that keeps the machinery going. It allows men (and women) in exchange for money to conceive offspring they never have to meet or acknowledge. It allows parents who wish to purchase sperm or eggs not to have to tell their child the truth about how the child was conceived. And, it has allowed our society to avoid the uncomfortable fact that we are creating two classes of persons, those who have the legal right to know their origins and those who are legally forbidden to learn the same thing.

Now, anonymity is being turned on its head. This week saw the launch of the first-ever online story collective for donor conceived persons and others involved in reproductive technologies. AnonymousUs.org allows persons conceived through sperm donation and similar practices to tell their stories anonymously, without fear of hurting their parents, getting flamed on the Internet, or having to go on record about intimate details of their lives. The brainchild of donor-conceived activist Alana S. (who is also a blogger at the site I edit, FamilyScholars.org), AnonymousUs.org is already filled with powerful stories from donor conceived persons, donors, legal parents, adoptees, and others whose lives have intersected with these technologies, with new stories being added daily.



4 comments for “Sperm Donor Kids Speak Out: Biological Dads Matter

  1. 29 January 2011 at 1:18 am

    There has been several stories relating to this project- and the comments below those articles are most telling.

    This sounds like a great idea- people sharing ideas, healing, talking about the issues relating to anonymous sperm donation. However the comments made directly by the creator Alana Stewart under these articles show that there is a fairly sinister agenda behind the project-one that many will not realise that are participating in.

    Not only does Alana Stewart want to see anonymous sperm donation abolished (and as a professional working with children I get this- I disagree with anonymous donations too) she also does not believe that children should be brought into the world other than to straight married couples. She is adamant that the evil in society is directly linked to children being raised by anyone other than the two biological parents- in marriage.

    Please do carefully read Alana Stewarts comments- posted to articles- in addition to the articles themselves. If you are a single women, lesbian or gay couple, or even an infertile unmaried couple- then beware. According to the creator of this project you do not deserve to have children- it is selfish for you to do so- and you are ‘buying’ children.

    She is also apparently unaware than many two parent married couples manage to mess up their kids too.

    After reading of this project one would hope to find a place of love, kindness and acceptance. It is a pity that this is simply not the case.

  2. Bob
    30 January 2011 at 10:10 pm

    We would agree with Alana stewart’s general approach. While a compassionate and caring society always comes to the aid of motherless and fatherless families, a wise and loving society never intentionally creates fatherless or motherless families.

    “Nature dictates that a man and a woman are required for procreation and this limitation should be acknowledged and respected because it discloses something of the purposes and providence of nature: that a child’s best interests are served by it having a mother and father” Children on Demand by Tom Frame

    Read more about the research and science around why marriage matters here http://www.nzmarriage.org.nz

  3. marilynn
    31 December 2014 at 1:33 pm

    I know Alana and she’s pretty conservative but not altogether unreasonable. Obviously it’s possible for men and women to be parents just by having offspring and she’s an advocate for families separated by gamete donation coming together and for people taking responsibility for their kids at any stage in life, even if they were absent during their formative years and even if they were never married to the other parent of their child. She does not ever make the statement that being unmarried somehow extinguishes a person’s parental obligation to their own offspring. Her thing about marriage is like an ideal, wouldn’t it be super if people only had kids when they were in love and married to the person they were having them with? Wouldn’t it be fantastic if their joy bubble lasted eternally? Sure. But since it’s possible to fall out of love or possible to have a kid and not be in love the important thing is making sure the kid has some basic entitlements to each parent’s care and support. They can hammer out the fine details if they are not living together.

  4. marilynn
    31 December 2014 at 1:47 pm

    About being in favor of bio parents raising their kids…well everyone has two biological parents who caused their dependent existence on earth right? So we look to the people who caused the problem to solve the problem – that is take care of this dependent person and teach them to become independent – should take about 18 years, we’ll help you out and provide you a school to send them to and we have some some basic guidelines about feeding and clothing and not physically harming them, but other than that you are on your own. It’s a crime to ditch out – if you really are failing miserably we might step in and take your authority away for a while if you truly screw up we will find other people to raise your kid but that is not something we the people signed up for its a safety net in the event you just cannot pull your head out of your backside.

    So of course the best thing is for every kid born to be raised by happy in love bio parents that are thrilled and prepared for the heavy lifting of parenthood. No child should have to suffer the trauma of being unwanted by one or both bio parents but it happens and when it does plan B gets implemented but you don’t start with plan B for profit sake. That’s degrading the worth of the human being by trading them around or selling them.

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