‘Conversion therapy’ law destroys family
The mother of a just-turned-17 year old who died alone in ’emergency accommodation’ says it appeared there was “wilful blindness” on the part of professionals in health, education and social welfare, who were so focused on affirming her daughter’s transgender identity, but did not pay the same attention to the eating disorder which would kill her. This story is just one of many that we have heard – of the chilling effect and the harm that this ideology and the ‘conversion therapy’ ban is doing to young people, to families and parents, and to counsellors and pastors who want the very best for people. www.FreeToLive.nz
Script:
CONVERSION THERAPY LAW DESTROYS FAMILY
Sadly, it won’t be the last kiwi family to fall victim and face tragedy – to both the law, and the dangerous ideology.
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At the beginning of 2022, all but eight brave National MPs voted for the Conversion Practices Legislation.
The law is simply an attempt to ram down LGBT indoctrination – especially on young people. The politicians have criminalised the discussion and practice of alternatives to puberty blockers, chest binders and future transgender surgery – especially for children. Under the law, parents – yes, parents – could be criminalised and liable to three (and possibly even five) years imprisonment simply for affirming that their sons are boys and their daughters are girls! The law can criminalise parents who wish to protect their child from the physical, emotional and psychological harm caused by gender dysphoria. It can also be illegal for a counsellor, spiritual leader, pastor, youth worker, teacher or other professional to counsel a child or adult with gender dysphoria in a way that affirms biology. They could be liable to up to five years imprisonment. Incredibly, the law says that “consent” is irrelevant. Apparently, the mantra “my body my choice” doesn’t apply here. The right of self-determination and being who you want to be is a founding principle of the mental health profession – yet under this law, your consent to determine the lifestyle you personally desire – and request – will not be taken into account.
While gender and sexuality is supposedly ‘fluid’, activists want the law to stipulate that it can only go in the direction they approve.
To criminalise parents who genuinely care for their children should certainly not be a crime warranting up to five years in jail.
We predicted and warned it would harm families and vulnerable young people. Sadly we are being proved correct.
Last week, this story appeared on the Radio NZ website. It was also ‘shared’ and used by other news outlets including
1News and NZ Herald and even Stuff. Exactly the same report. (Makes you wonder if we need all these “independent” media outlets eh.)
But anyway – great that so many people would be aware of the story now.
Ironically the rabid left wing Spinoff also wrote about it – but said “stop conflating being transgender with being sick”. Well they’re desperate to say that because as we will soon see, the facts of this story screams the exact opposite. But it’s written by two extreme gender activists so it should be treated with the contempt it deserves.
This story from the NZ Herald in 2024 – Transgender teen tries to cut off breast in self-mastectomy.
Credit to Radio NZ for being willing to print this latest story. It reveals transgender ideology in its worst light.
So let’s read parts of the article – it’s a long article – so I’ll read excerpts but keep it in context. Let’s analyse what’s happened.
The parents of a teenager who starved to death alone in emergency accommodation believe that multiple agencies failed in their care.
Their only child was able to keep them at a distance on the grounds they did not accept the teen was transgender – an identity the parents say the teen later abandoned.
However, the couple allege that while attentive to their child’s gender identity, various care professionals failed to adequately respond to the threat from a long-standing eating disorder..
…..in January 2023… the teenager was found dead in a locked motel room, about an hour from the parents’ South Island home.
Vanessa had just turned 17.
Just turned 17. Still a minor. Living on her own as a 16 year old – with the help of the state who deemed that loving parents were more of a threat than loneliness, isolation, and significant mental illness (as we will soon read)
The last time Vanessa”s parents had heard from the teen was two days [prior to her death].
“She texted me ‘Mama, I love you’.
…[Mum] and her husband are still waiting for a date for the coroner’s inquiry into their only child’s death.
There is no doubt of the immediate cause of death: cachexia (extreme wasting), due to anorexia nervosa, according to the post-mortem report.
…However, the parents believe it was the lack of adequate oversight by multiple professionals in health, education and social welfare in the last few months of Vanessa’s life, which allowed that death.
…..Much-loved only child
Vanessa was an extremely bright, sensitive, cheerful pre-schooler with a lively curiosity about the world.
…Vanessa was sexually molested at the age of five by an older child at school.
The Rape Crisis counsellor who helped the family through the ghastly aftermath warned her parents that puberty was often a trigger point for children who had suffered trauma.
“And that’s exactly what happened to Vanessa. She was nearly 12, just at the start of puberty, when anorexia hit.”
Over the next five years, Vanessa would be hospitalised 10 times.
The parents should have had complete wraparound services to support both the daughter and the family. Are we providing this? Can young people suffering anorexia get urgent treatment – or is the waiting list and a lack of resources making this issue even worse ❎
[Mum] said Vanessa would starve herself to the point where it threatened to damage the teen’s heart…. Vanessa sought out pro-anorexia websites, connected with like-minded people via the Discord app and tried to hide the weight loss.
…..Vanessa became increasingly argumentative, and even violent towards them, [Mum] said.
Several times they were forced to barricade themselves in a room and call the police.
Police involvement. Another red flag for wraparound services for the whole family.
Treatment
A psychiatrist from the local Child, Adolescent Mental Health Service (CAMHS), in a report dated December 2017, noted Vanessa “resists the idea that she has an Eating Disorder”.
Yes that’s what drives the disease. A denial of biological reality. Just like gender confusion. And we should heal the mind – not offer liposuction and weight loss pills – and not offer puberty blockers, cross-sex hormones and mastectomies! And note – she’s 11 about to turn 12 at this time.
….The teen also suffered from obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) and was diagnosed with autism at 15….
Once again, confirming what most of the research NOT done by LGBT-activists has found. Gender dysphoria is accompanied by other comorbid disorders – and autism is one of the frequent ones.
“Life saving” court order
In January 2019, when she was 13, a Family Court judge put Vanessa under a compulsory treatment order, at the recommendation of her doctors.
“This was a huge relief to us,” [Mum] said.
“This court order was the only barrier between her and her death. The only thing stronger than her obsession [with not eating] was her fear of going back to hospital. She hated it so much.”
……School life
At high school, she was also introduced to the concept of gender diversity and at some point in 2021 became non-binary.
The legacy of InsideOut, RSE and RainbowYouth etc.
Vanessa adopted a gender neutral name (“V”) and pronouns, which were used by staff and students.
So the damage, confusion and ideology is perpetuated by teachers – and likely forced on other students. This is the real ‘conversion therapy’ – but according to our clueless politicians, this conversion is acceptable. Biological truth isn’t.
However, [Mum] said immediately after a messy break-up with the boyfriend, Vanessa started identifying as a boy.
At home, the arguments were now about gender identity as well as food, with Vanessa/V accusing the parents of being transphobic.
And that’s the message confused young people receive from LGBT activists. Reject your family if they don’t buy into the confusion. We know that for a fact – having heard the testimony of many young people. It’s a strategy to remove any obstacle to a young people subscribing to LGBT indoctrination – irrespective of the family’s beliefs, religion, values – and other factors such as comorbid disorders.
“She tried to ‘educate’ us by sharing influencer videos. She said she must be right because all the health professionals and online articles agreed with her.”
Some clinicians quickly affirmed V’s boy identity.
Yes they would. Partly because the medical and counselling profession have lost their backbone, have been bullied into silence, and partly because of the chilling effect of the conversion therapy law. Interestingly there was one professional who pushed back – but then ignored.
However, [Mum] said the teen’s long-term psychiatrist was sceptical.
“The psychiatrist advised us that Vanessa was using the transgender identity as a mask for her continuing anorexia – that Vanessa was saying the reason she didn’t want a curvy, female body was not because she was suffering from anorexia, but because she was really a boy.
“The psychiatrist recommended not affirming Vanessa’s transgender identity.”
The school clashed with the parents over their refusal to buy the teen a boy’s uniform.
So the school undermines the family
“The Dean rang, said we were being ridiculous, and gave Vanessa special permission to wear her own trousers at school, thus undermining both us and the psychiatrist who had known Vanessa for five years.”
The school undermines medical professionals. I personally hope the parents sue the school concerned. It’s time we fired warning shots to all schools in New Zealand.
In year 10, Vanessa enrolled with Te Kura, the Correspondence School, as V.
Because all their child’s schoolwork and social life were now online, it became difficult for Catherine and her husband to limit computer use.
Leaving home
Vanessa/V left home in March 2022.
….., the father described an escalation in “ritualistic” behaviour and highly-restricted eating, abusive language and paranoia in the lead up.……
….On 13 March, the teenager moved in with the family of an ex-classmate.
Vanessa/V was referred to Oranga Tamariki and a caseworker arranged for the host family to receive an Unsupported Child Benefit.
So the state funds the separation of a child from the family – rather than helping the family heal the mind.
The parents were asked to write a letter to Work and Income confirming they could no longer have Vanessa living at home.
I’m interested to know – were they given no option? Were they pressured? Perhaps they thought it was the only solution – given the lack of support they had been experiencing up to now
….Then on 7 April, the court lifted the compulsory treatment order at the request of the CAMHS.
Unbelievable. Despite all the serious issues.
“Her psychiatrist said to me, ‘Let’s give her an opportunity’,” [Mum] said.
“And I was like, ‘To do what? To die?’. Because we knew that she would just stop eating.
Even a non-professional – and any parent!! – could figure this one out.
….That month Vanessa/V was also discharged from CAMHS, which had been treating the anorexia and other mental problems.
The reason given to the parents was that Vanessa was “not engaging“, [Mum] said.
Not engaging. Yes – that’s what happens when you have a mental illness. You turn away from the very people who could help.
[Mum] says “Of course she wasn’t engaging. She was a teenager with a serious eating disorder.”
Vanessa texted her parents that if they would not accept her as a boy, it was better they did not see each other at all.
[Mum] said “We were devastated. We didn’t know where to turn or what to do. I couldn’t sleep or eat. Her father became introverted and silent.”
They had no contact until August, when Vanessa caught Covid and texted her mother.
Catherine dropped off some supplies…. they kept in touch everyday by text…. Slowly we began to rebuild our relationship.”
At the same time, Vanessa’s relationship with the host family broke down.
Family Works, a service run by Presbyterian Support, found the teenager emergency accommodation….. a self-contained apartment with her own bathroom and kitchenette.
Remember – this is a 16 year old. With severe mental health issues.
[Mum] said Vanessa continued to keep them at a distance, but allowed them to supply various items, by dropping them off at an agreed location.
[Mum] said it was not only the 16-year-old who excluded them from her life, but also the small army of professionals in health, education and welfare agencies, who had assumed responsibility for their child’s care.
“Vanessa, and everyone who was supposed to help her, accepted the belief that we her parents, in not agreeing that she had become a boy, were uncaring bigots who deserved to be cut off.”
Truly tragic. The state and its know-alls have alienated the very people – loving parents – from the life of the vulnerable young person, because the parents want to heal the mind rather than feed the ideology and its accompanying confusion and harm. But remember – politicians believe that loving parents should be locked up for affirming their daughters and girls, and their sons as boys.
….[The parents] did manage to see Vanessa in November 2022, at the motel where she was living.
16!!!!!! Anorexia, autism, childhood trauma, autism, gender confusion…. add to that isolation, abandonment and loneliness. Compliments of the state.
“Sad child” living alone in a motel
The motel manager told RNZ that she and V became very close in the three months they lived there – but she was not aware the teen’s health was deteriorating.
…..social workers from Housing First (run by the Salvation Army) regularly visited clients at the motel.
It’s going to be interesting to see their case notes!!
Parents see child for the last time
Vanessa’s parents both saw her for the last time on 1 January, 2023 – but only at a distance.
“She was wearing a puffer jacket in the middle of summer. She wouldn’t let us near to see how thin she was, using the excuse ‘You don’t accept I’m a man’.”
She didn’t say “you won’t let me be skinny”. The indoctrination was “you won’t let me be transgender”.
However, her parents said subsequently, Vanessa phoned her father and then her mother to say she was “seriously questioning the ‘gender identity thing'” and wanted them to know she was indeed their daughter.
So is there the same support to detransition? You probably know the answer to that question. The answer is – no. in fact, supporting detransitioning could be deemed ‘conversion therapy’ – thanks to the dumbos in Parliament.
They were hopeful their child could be returning to them, but that was not to be.
[Mum] said [about some earlier incidences she learned of]…
“How can it be that a child collapses in front of all these people [at the Family Works premises] and no-one calls an ambulance?”
[Mum] later heard [Vanessa] had asked the motel manager for a walking stick and a hose to drink water from the tap without getting out of bed.
“[The manager] got angry with me and said ‘We are a motel, not social services’.”
Yes that’s true. Even more reason a highly vulnerable young girl shouldn’t be there.
Death
…. When Catherine rang the motel [the weekend she had died], the phone was handed straight to a police officer.
“I knew immediately that Vanessa had died.”
When they arrived at the motel, there was a stench.
Vanessa was lying in bed with her laptop propped up on her lap, dead two days.
Let that sink in. Two days. Just turned 17. On her own. No check ups. Truly sickening.
[Mum remembers] – “At the scene, the Police corrected us when we used Vanessa’s name and insisted on using a male name and pronouns. I was so distressed by this.”
The police were more concerned with ideology and wokeness than parental grief and biological truth at time of death.
Vanessa’s parents believe the teenager’s death was the result of the removal of the protections of the Compulsory Treatment Order nine months previously.
Sadly they’re 100% correct. Most people will agree with that assessment.
[Mum] said it appeared there was “wilful blindness” on the part of those professionals, who were so focused on affirming Vanessa’s gender identity, but did not pay the same attention to the eating disorder which would kill her.
Exactly. And also this is what the conversion therapy law mandates. It forces gender ideology on young people – to their harm. And it criminalises loving parents and health professionals wanting to protect vulnerable children from the mental illness or illnesses that may be driving that confusion.
Their crushing grief is made worse by the knowledge that so many chances were missed.
“Acknowledging and reporting her deterioration would have been a simple matter. Had they done so, our treasured daughter would still be alive.”
Now Radio NZ actually did their job as journalists and sought comment and response from the agencies involved – Health New Zealand, Oranga Tamariki, Ministry of Social Development, Ministry of Education
But they could all hide behind the statement “well, it’s currently before the coroner so we can’t talk”
Presbyterian Support said
“Our service is contracted to the Ministry of Social Development to assist young people to access the Youth Payment benefit. Part of a young person’s obligations in receiving the benefit is to engage in education where clients have a choice of which area of study they wish to pursue. Our Youth Coach roles are not social worker positions; however, staff often advocate for clients and refer to other agencies/organisations if clients require other supports such as; a client’s GP, transitional housing providers etc.”
Those case notes will be interesting. Did they encourage family reconciliation and parental involvement? Christian prayer & ministry? Support from local churches and counselling & support services? Alerting mental health specialist services.
The Salvation Army said:
“We are bound by strict guidelines under privacy legislation and professional social work ethics to protect the dignity and confidentiality of those we support, regardless of whether they are named publicly or not.”
Okay – but same questions – did they encourage family reconciliation and parental involvement? Christian prayer & ministry? Support from local churches and counselling & support services? Alerting mental health specialist services.
As I hope a Christian ministry would do.
This story is just one of many that we have heard – of the chilling effect and the harm that this ideology and the ‘conversion therapy’ ban is doing to young people, to families and parents, and to counsellors and pastors who want the very best for people.
The law was introduced in the middle of 2021 and rushed through to law by the beginning of 2022. Vanessa died at the beginning of 2023. But the ideology was being rammed down – well before the law was the final blow.
It’s time that politicians admitted just how harmful transgender ideology is – and return to biology & truth.
It won’t be soon enough for Vanessa and her poor family – but it might save the next victim.
